Tolong, bicara pelan-pelan. (Please, speak slowly)

I got a comment from my friend Jean-Paul, yes he is French, about his experience as an expat in the US. This notion has crossed my mind on occasion as to what it must be like to experience America from another culture's point of view. Now, more than ever,it is a very relevant topic as I try to assimilate into the culture here.

One of the fun aspects of being an expat is that you get to meet lots of other folks who are expatriated from other places around the world and are also trying to figure out all things Indonesian at the same time as you. However, to add to the confusion of it all, you are also trying to figure out what they are saying to you as well because they are from somewhere else than your home country. Nothing like being stupefied in multiple dialects.

I have to say that I know that I have totally confused some of the folks I have met with my little "southernisms." I have really tried to go easy with that, but sometimes stuff just pops out.

For instance, the other day I had an absolutely delightful lunch with a British woman and her sister. This is the sister's first time in Indonesia and we were sharing jet lag stories, adjusting to the heat stories, adjusting to the money stories, etc. As we chatted over lunch, I was telling them about finally seeing the absolutely horrific picture that was taken of me at the Immigration Office 4 or 5 days after I touched down (you all remember that little story I am sure). It was one of those "as if I didn't feel bad enough already" moments when my honey bunch showed me the results of that faithful day. As I explained how I looked I said, "I looked like I was rode hard and put up wet." I wish you could have seen the expression on their faces. We all erupted in laughter. Me, due to the reaction I got from them and them from I assume was a where in the world is she from and what in the world did this crazy expat just say.

To digress just a bit, let's talk about that picture that even your mother couldn't love you in. I was informed that no matter what you do to make yourself look stunning for this annual ritual of the renewal at the Immigration Office you still look horrible. I really don't know what this guy does when he takes the photo, but he would make Angelina Jolie look like a bloated toad. My friend said she went to extra special trouble to do her hair and makeup before her last picture. It came back as if she had just stepped off the plane after 27 hours of travel and walked in front of the camera. I can hardly wait for my turn again.........

Back to the subject of assimilating. Everyone keeps telling me how easy the language is. All I can say is that I am blessed to be in a place where the people are patient and don't laugh at you directly to your face. You see bemused smiles and you know that they want to run to a different room, roll around on the floor and have a good belly laugh over what you just said or tried to say.

It reminds me of an occurrence when I was young. My siblings and I had gone to a wedding with my mom. Due to circumstances at the wedding, my brothers began to snicker. Then my sister and I began to snicker. My mother was horrified and she began giving us that evil eye that was passed on to me to give to my son. The point being that you could not laugh out loud. You were having to hold it in to the point of tears kind of squirting out of your eyes. You knew that you could NOT, under any circumstances, look at your siblings because you would burst into laughter that you would never, ever be forgiven. I feel sorry for the folks here, for I know I am making them agonize like this every day.

I don't know how some folks learn English. There are some out there who would doubt that I was a very good student of my native tongue after reading my blog. English has so many rules and exceptions to rules. Maybe for folks coming from countries where romance languages are king, it isn't too bad. We have so many root words that come from French, Old English, Greek, Middle English, yada, yada, yada. There is some hope for them to make sense of it all I guess.

Obviously, some people are just natural linguist. I am not among them. So, I hack through and hope something works out.

There is a wonderful staff member here named Eko. He is always trying to help hubbie and me with our language lessons. He has so patiently written stuff down for us. Telur mata sapi is the equivalent to an egg sunny side up. Telur setengah is an egg over medium. Telur matang is an egg well done. Telur rebus is a boiled egg. I get the telur out and then I have to leave it up to them to guess how I want it cooked. Is this my version of performance anxiety? I just freeze up. Any and all suggestions of how to address this issue would be appreciated. Otherwise, I might have to eat eggs however they want to fix them for the next three years.