Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Southern Cross

As we prepare to leave this place we have made our home for the last four and a half years, it is just a flood of emotions.  You go between the elation of returning to your home country and familiar things and the sadness of leaving a place you have worked so hard to make your home.  The excitement of returning to the friends and family that you only get to see a few days out of the year is contrasted with the hole in your heart that you know will happen when you leave the people who have been your stand-in family.

Yet you know that in four and a half years, things have gone on without you and in some ways you will be like a newcomer to your own country.  This is a bit unnerving to think about.  I keep telling myself that I need to allow time to re-acclimate and get in the swing of things at home.  What a strange concept that is.  To know you are going to feel displaced just like you felt displaced when you arrived in a far-away land, maybe not to the massive extent, is just down-right weird.

The highs and lows of the situation came to a head last weekend when a big ole' cry was what was needed to vent some of the pressure.  My sweet, sweet husband took it well and I think in some ways he found relief in that messy, multi-tissue situation.  The fury died, and we were able to move on and begin the next stage of the process.

All the anxiety of getting things done has been challenging.  It is like any other move on the surface, but the distance involved, the billion moving parts that you are trying to synchronize between two worlds and three different countries just scrambles your mind.

Living as we have in Indonesia, there are various things that you have to handle that most of us don't when we move within the US or even other countries.  It has pretty much become our responsibility to find positions for the three staff members that we directly employ.  Currently in Indonesia, that is a little tough as the industry sweetums works in is not bringing very many American citizens in to work here, nor does the Indonesian government want us here.  In fact, when my honey pie leaves the group he is currently in, there will only be one expat left.  The government is pushing very hard for Nationalism.  That means people with 35 years of experience will be replaced with Nationals who have 3, 5 or perhaps 10 years of experience.  In this industry, that is not a very productive practice.  But it is what it is.  Yet it seems odd that it fall on us to find jobs for those we have employed.

The ramifications of all this filters through out the population.  We directly employ three people plus the  company supplies us with four jagas (guards) for our house who we consider our staff as well.  In our 4.5 years here we have paid for schooling for our staff's children, we have purchased computers, paid for hospital bills for illnesses and births, given interest free loans for house repairs, vehicle purchases and advanced education for the older children, and home purchases.  When we leave, those seven people will have all of those things go away unless the next employer they have agrees to feel these things are important.  Many local employers do not feel that way for their household staff.  To be fair, there are expats who feel the same way.  This is an employer's prerogative to pay what they feel is fair for the job done.

I am not trying to sound as if we are the only people in this country who are lending a helping hand to its people or that we have done anything so magnanimous.  There are other expat friends who are medical professionals who have worked with local doctors performing eye surgeries, secured child size walkers from the US and administered physical therapy, teachers who have taught English skills and thought out lesson plans, regular moms and dads who have taught children basic hygiene skills, rocked babies in cancer wards and orphanages, raised money to build schools, donated books and time, and the list goes on and on.  These people cared enough and did these things free of charge.  I think our expat community gives a lot of support through creating jobs, training new-hires at corporations, donating time, and a good deal of money.  It isn't all pretty and I would be misleading you if I didn't admit some expats behave badly.  Human nature has a very odd way of surfacing especially when folks are away from home.  I've seen it happen to seemingly pretty normal people who are fine when they are on home soil but loose control when taken out of their environment.

But through all of this rambling, I should return to the title of my post - The Southern Cross.  My local honey and I grew up in the 70's and Crosby, Stills, and Nash were big.  One of their songs, Southern Cross, always sticks in my head.  I thought about how there are millions and millions of stars that are on each side of the world that go un-viewed by the other side.  The Southern Cross is one of those constellations that would fall in the un-viewed category for us.

I thought about this unseen constellation while we were in Bali for the very last time.  This visit happened to fall on the Balinese Day of Silence or Nyepi.  On this day, people are asked to stay indoors as much as possible, to speak quietly, stay off the beaches and golf courses, the airport is closed and lighting is at bare minimal levels at night.  So on this very dark, still night in Bali I looked out from our balcony and spied what I thought might be the Southern Cross.  I looked it up on line and sure enough, I was correct.  So we very quietly slipped from our room and wandered out on the dark hotel grounds and gazed up at this very simple, rather unassuming constellation.  I thought of the song and how being out on the ocean looking up at it from that inky blackness must have made it even brighter and prettier and inspire the writer of the lyrics to reference it.

Our time here has been filled with many of these unseen shining stars that we had never witnessed, and in many cases had never even heard about.  We all live in our own worlds and our own countries and we often forget that there are so many more things out there unless we open our eyes and allow things to come in.  No, it isn't as simple as that I am afraid.  But by looking up and out instead of always looking in, we learn.

"When you see the Southern Cross for the first time
You understand now why you came this way
'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from is so small
But it's as big as the promise, the promise of a comin' day"
lyrics by Stephan Stills


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